BEAN ADDICTION

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for beans. He loved it, he adored it, he yearned for it, but it always caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating it. The reaction of his body to beans was swift and terrible to behold.

One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized that she could be more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to beans so he decided to make the supreme sacrifice to give up his beloved beans.

A short time later, they were married.

Some months later on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of his way home. He passed a small roadside café and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper.

As he entered the café, the smell of beans overwhelmed him, he still had several miles to go, before he knew it, he has consumed three large plates of beans. Even as he left the café, the effect began to be felt just as he reached home, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency as he waited just outside the front door to release the last one. His wife threw open the door, she excitedly exclaimed “Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you”. She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blind-fold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returns and went to answer the phone.

When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his leg outside and broke wind. It was not only loud but as ripe as a rotten egg, he had hard time breathing. So he took his handkerchief and began to fan the air around him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let out another one. It sounded like a tuba and smelt so bad that he started gaggling. He fanned until his arm ached. Things has just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful urge, he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This was the prizewinner. The window rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later, the flower on the table were dead. It continued like this until his wife returned.

Smiling contentedly, he wore the picture of innocence; his wife apologizes for taking so long. She asked if she had pecked, after assuring that he had not, he removed the blind-fold revealing the dinner guests seated round the table for his surprise birthday.