A blonde walks into a police station looking for a job. The officer decided to ask her some few question.
Officer: What’s your name?
Blonde: Blonde
Officer: what is 4+6
Blonde: Umm. 10
Officer: Good. Who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Umm I don’t know.
Officer: Well you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow and tell me.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of his friends who ask her whether she has got the job.
The blonde says excitedly, not only did I get the job; I’m already working on a murder case.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
AN EXPERIMENT ON BIOLOGY
A biology class student conducted an experiment on what will happen to grasshopper if its legs were taken off.
He pulled off one of its leg and yelled hop! And the grasshopper hopped.
Then he took off another leg and yelled hop! Again the grasshopper hopped.
Then he took off all of its legs and yelled hop! But the insect did not hop
He repeated hop! And the insect did not.
Then he came to conclusion that when all the legs of grasshopper are removed, it will become deaf.
He pulled off one of its leg and yelled hop! And the grasshopper hopped.
Then he took off another leg and yelled hop! Again the grasshopper hopped.
Then he took off all of its legs and yelled hop! But the insect did not hop
He repeated hop! And the insect did not.
Then he came to conclusion that when all the legs of grasshopper are removed, it will become deaf.
WRONG E-MAIL
It is wise to know how easily email can be misused sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the small snow filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unfortunately, when typing the address he missed one letter and his note was directed to an elderly woman whose husband passed away the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, and let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound of the woman, the family rushed into the room and saw this on the monitor screen.
Dearest wife,
Just got checked in,
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow
PS: Sure, it’s hot down here.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the small snow filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unfortunately, when typing the address he missed one letter and his note was directed to an elderly woman whose husband passed away the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, and let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound of the woman, the family rushed into the room and saw this on the monitor screen.
Dearest wife,
Just got checked in,
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow
PS: Sure, it’s hot down here.
A Blood Test
Two children were sitting outside a clinic,
One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd child: Why are you crying?
1st child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd child: So are you afraid?
1st child: No. For blood test they cut my finger.
At this the second one started crying.
The first one was surprised.
1st child: Why are you crying now?
2nd child: I came here for urine test.
One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd child: Why are you crying?
1st child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd child: So are you afraid?
1st child: No. For blood test they cut my finger.
At this the second one started crying.
The first one was surprised.
1st child: Why are you crying now?
2nd child: I came here for urine test.
BEAN ADDICTION
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for beans. He loved it, he adored it, he yearned for it, but it always caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating it. The reaction of his body to beans was swift and terrible to behold.
One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized that she could be more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to beans so he decided to make the supreme sacrifice to give up his beloved beans.
A short time later, they were married.
Some months later on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of his way home. He passed a small roadside café and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper.
As he entered the café, the smell of beans overwhelmed him, he still had several miles to go, before he knew it, he has consumed three large plates of beans. Even as he left the café, the effect began to be felt just as he reached home, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency as he waited just outside the front door to release the last one. His wife threw open the door, she excitedly exclaimed “Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you”. She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blind-fold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returns and went to answer the phone.
When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his leg outside and broke wind. It was not only loud but as ripe as a rotten egg, he had hard time breathing. So he took his handkerchief and began to fan the air around him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let out another one. It sounded like a tuba and smelt so bad that he started gaggling. He fanned until his arm ached. Things has just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful urge, he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This was the prizewinner. The window rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later, the flower on the table were dead. It continued like this until his wife returned.
Smiling contentedly, he wore the picture of innocence; his wife apologizes for taking so long. She asked if she had pecked, after assuring that he had not, he removed the blind-fold revealing the dinner guests seated round the table for his surprise birthday.
One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized that she could be more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to beans so he decided to make the supreme sacrifice to give up his beloved beans.
A short time later, they were married.
Some months later on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of his way home. He passed a small roadside café and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper.
As he entered the café, the smell of beans overwhelmed him, he still had several miles to go, before he knew it, he has consumed three large plates of beans. Even as he left the café, the effect began to be felt just as he reached home, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency as he waited just outside the front door to release the last one. His wife threw open the door, she excitedly exclaimed “Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you”. She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blind-fold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returns and went to answer the phone.
When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his leg outside and broke wind. It was not only loud but as ripe as a rotten egg, he had hard time breathing. So he took his handkerchief and began to fan the air around him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let out another one. It sounded like a tuba and smelt so bad that he started gaggling. He fanned until his arm ached. Things has just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful urge, he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This was the prizewinner. The window rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later, the flower on the table were dead. It continued like this until his wife returned.
Smiling contentedly, he wore the picture of innocence; his wife apologizes for taking so long. She asked if she had pecked, after assuring that he had not, he removed the blind-fold revealing the dinner guests seated round the table for his surprise birthday.
A CURIOUS LITTLE DAUGHTER
A little girl was out and about with her mother, the little girl asked, “mum, how old are you?” the mother replied, women don’t talk about their age, don’t worry sweetheart, you’ll learn this when you are grownup. The little girl then asked, “mum, how much do you weigh?” the mom answered again sweetheart, that’s another thing women don’t talk about.
The girl still inquisitive asked again “mum why did you an daddy get a divorce?”
The mother, a little annoyed by her daughter’s curiosity responded that’s the part that hurts me very much and I don’t want to talk about it.
The little girl infuriated, went off to her friend’s house to play. She tells her friend about her mother’s refusal to answer her questions. The friend said all you have to do is find and read you mother license, its just like a report booklet from school it will tell you everything.
Later the little girl and her mother are out and about again, the little girl starts: mom I know how old you are, you are 32yrs. The mother, very shocked asked how did you know that? The little girl shrugs and said I just know and I know how much you weigh-130 pounds. The mother surprised where did you learn that? The little girl said I just know and I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got F in sex.
The girl still inquisitive asked again “mum why did you an daddy get a divorce?”
The mother, a little annoyed by her daughter’s curiosity responded that’s the part that hurts me very much and I don’t want to talk about it.
The little girl infuriated, went off to her friend’s house to play. She tells her friend about her mother’s refusal to answer her questions. The friend said all you have to do is find and read you mother license, its just like a report booklet from school it will tell you everything.
Later the little girl and her mother are out and about again, the little girl starts: mom I know how old you are, you are 32yrs. The mother, very shocked asked how did you know that? The little girl shrugs and said I just know and I know how much you weigh-130 pounds. The mother surprised where did you learn that? The little girl said I just know and I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got F in sex.
75 Year Old Sperm
A 75-year old man went to his doctor’s office to get sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “take this jar home and bring me a sample tomorrow”.
The next day, the 75-year old man re-appears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day. The doctor asks what happened and the man explained:
“Well, doc, its like this, first in tried with my right hand, but nothing then I tried with my left hand but nothing then I called my wife.
She tried with her right hand but nothing then her left yet nothing she even tried with her mouth and still nothing.
Hell, I called my daughter to help out but she was nowhere, then a called my neighbor’s wife. She tried first with her right hand but nothing then her left hand, nothing. She even tried with her mouth and teeth too but nothing.
The doctor was shocked! – You wanted your daughter to what? You even called your neighbor?
The old man replied,
Yeah, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the damn jar opened.
The next day, the 75-year old man re-appears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day. The doctor asks what happened and the man explained:
“Well, doc, its like this, first in tried with my right hand, but nothing then I tried with my left hand but nothing then I called my wife.
She tried with her right hand but nothing then her left yet nothing she even tried with her mouth and still nothing.
Hell, I called my daughter to help out but she was nowhere, then a called my neighbor’s wife. She tried first with her right hand but nothing then her left hand, nothing. She even tried with her mouth and teeth too but nothing.
The doctor was shocked! – You wanted your daughter to what? You even called your neighbor?
The old man replied,
Yeah, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the damn jar opened.
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